I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
