What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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