so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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