There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
