I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
