I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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