I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize