I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
