I just made out with a guy for $7.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize