I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
