i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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