Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
