that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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