why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
