you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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