I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
