cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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