I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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