there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
