well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
