he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
