UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
