Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she pinky promised me she was 18
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize