He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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