I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
