Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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