I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
