I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
