The maid of honor just puked.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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