jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
