the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
