just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize