She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
