I'm eating all of the evidence.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
