i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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