How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
