Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
