Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize