I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
