just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
