i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I look better un-naked...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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