It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
