This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
