My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
