i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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