so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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