3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
