dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
