tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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