i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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