I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
