Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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