We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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