@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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