JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
