walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
