adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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