Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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