wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
