Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
