Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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