I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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