East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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