3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
