Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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