So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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