we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
