I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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