Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
