why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize