To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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