GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
