I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
