I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
