My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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