so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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