his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
