my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize