Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
