THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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