It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
