if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Randomize
