his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I party with great urgency now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
