kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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