So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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