Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
