I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
