he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
